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jack fire

Post by jack fire on Tue Mar 29, 2016 9:33 am

Personal Info
Name: jack fire
Alias: Semper Fi  (always faithful)
Age: 100
Gender: (Male

Personality:he is very protective of his love one  but he is  also a pack rat he and  love to collect old things and gems (like diamond, ruby, sapphire ,emerald) he also has a loving side but you will have to get past his hard side and if you do will find a loving and caring dragon .But if he is in  a contract he is bound by the contract no matter what  . he has to do what the contract tell he to do until it  is over he is  Social but will keep to himself when he is sad and he will tell you straight up tell you his opinion  on  something but he will lie to save his own skin. if need be

Interests:he like music ,gems and ,old artifacts  
Dislikes: he has a dos not like IceWings
-brats
-and uncooked food

Fears:destruction of his home and lost of love

General Appearance
Height: 130
Scales: he's scales are the color of a bright fire in a triangular pattern but his underside is yellow and some place on his body his scales are darker or even black
Eyes:bright gold but look like normal dragon eyes

Appearance: war/battles he has a set of armor which is made out of steel
Outside of battles he does not have much the way of things that he carries with him but he will have small amount of gold to buy things  with    


Tribe Information and Status
Tribe:firewing
Rank: citizen
Family: n/a
Mate:n/a for now  
Hatchlings: n/a

Skills and Abilities
Strengths: he is a strong dragon he is somewhat of a fast flyer (top speed is 95 mph  
so let say a Lightweight dragon is 6 tons and jack is a Middleweight which can weights 7-9 tons and he weighs 8 tons or 16000 pounds half that would be 8000 so he can lift 8000 pounds so he can lift a Hippopotamus which weights 5000 to 8000 pounds    

Special Abilities: Fire breath (it normal fire breath nothing special  )
His claws are extremely sharp (can cut through stone but metal like steel ,iron he will have trouble with ) but he will have to sharpen thime one in a time

Weaknesses: the cold he can not stand the cold and will not go out in it  
Combat Style: hand to hand is he main way but he will use weapons if need be

Background
History: bad a this stuff so for right now no history)
RP Sample: ( i rp in 1p so, me, i, us, will be use in rp but as for an rp sample i don’t have one can't find one and i will use dragon tongue like from skyrim)


Last edited by jack fire on Fri Apr 15, 2016 8:29 am; edited 18 times in total
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Re: jack fire

Post by Hyruu on Tue Mar 29, 2016 10:46 am

Hey there and welcome to the forum ! I'm Hyruu, one of the admins here, and I'll be reviewing your app. (yes, for once there's one I can snatch before you guys ><)
To be honest though there's a lot to redo. It seems a part of it is missing and the rest has been duplicated ^^

First of all, I'll invite you to use the template provided here and keep the code. It'll make it easier for me to read.
And second, erm, sorry to ask but could you put a bit more effort in your writing ? It has been quite hard for me to read it without any punctuation and with all the errors (auto-correct ?).

Your personality will need slightly more to it. We usually require a minimum of five sentences, and you only have three or four (depending on how you guess the punctuation ><).
You should also add some more dislikes, there has to be something else than some other tribes he doesn't like right ?
Death doesn't really count as a fear because every dragon fears death. Being overly attached to his home does sound fine (if you meant destruction ?).
Firewings can't be 150 feet tall. Their size range from 35 feet to 140 feet. If you haven't yet, I invite you to read the information provided in the New Member's Guide, it should give you the information you need.
Sharp claws, how sharp are they ? What can they cut, what can't they cut ? This needs to be more detailed.
Same for your healing factor. Maybe give a few examples of wounds and how long they would take to heal. While accelerating healing is fine, remember it won't protect you on the moment.

And well the rest that went missing ^^ Just bump the topic once you'll have addressed the issues.

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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Wed Mar 30, 2016 7:17 am

i have fix it and tried to fix spelling and punctuation im working on the history part but i can not think of one it my only problem so if need be i will work on the history but i say dont i expect it to be a work of art beside that i want to thank you for taking the time to work with me and looking over jack
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Re: jack fire

Post by Hyruu on Wed Mar 30, 2016 4:13 pm

All the required parts are still not present. Like I said, just use the template I linked to you and fill it, without modifying the code.

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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Wed Mar 30, 2016 6:08 pm

i hope this will do but as for the code i do not see one but i hope this works

Personal Inf
Name: jack fire
Alias: Semper Fi (always faithful)
Age: 100
Gender: (Male
Personality:he is very protective and also a pack rat he love to collect old things and gems he also has a very .
loving side but you have to get past his hard side you will find a loving and caring dragon .But if he is in a contract he is bound by the contract no matter .what he has to do until the contract is over is only when he is free he all so a hard head he is also vere . Social but will keep to himself when sad and he will be a Honest as can be but will lie to save his own skin.

Interests:he like music ,gems and ,old artifacts
Dislikes: he has a dos not like IceWings
-brats
-and uncooked food

Fears: his home being destroyed and lost of love

General Appearance
Height: 130
Scales: he's scales are the color of a bright fire in a triangular pattern but his underside is yellow some place on his body his scales are darker or even black
Eyes:bright gold but look like normal dragon eyes

Appearance: war/battles he has a set of armor which is made out of steel
Outside he does not have much the way of things that he carries with him but he will have small amount of gold to buy things with


Tribe Information and Status
Tribe:firewing
Rank: ?
Family: n/a
Mate:n/a for now
Hatchlings: n/a

Skills and Abilities
Strengths: he is strong as a dragon he age can be but he is somewhat of a fast flyer


Special Abilities: Fire breath
His claws are extremely sharp (can cut through stone but metal like steel ,iron he will have trouble with ) but they will dole after a period of time
And he can healed from an injury over a long period of time but it (which mens it can take up to a full month if he i injury bad)

Weaknesses: the cold he can not stand the cold and will not go out in it
Combat Style: hand to hand is he main way but he will use weapons if need be

Background
History: bad a this stuff so for right now no history)
RP Sample: ( i rp in 1p so, me, i, us, will be use in rp but as for an rp sample i don’t have one can't find one
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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Thu Mar 31, 2016 3:43 pm

i use the i template i hope it will go good
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Re: jack fire

Post by Sly on Thu Mar 31, 2016 4:27 pm

Its very difficult for me to follow what you wrote in this app. I would proofread this before submitting it.

Your strengths, weaknesses and abilities all require a lot more depth and proofreading before I would cobsider approving this unfortunately.

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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Fri Apr 01, 2016 5:54 am

how does the edit look i did fix what you said to fix and i hope it not that hard to read now i
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Re: jack fire

Post by Sly on Fri Apr 01, 2016 6:01 pm

jack fire wrote:he is strong as a dragon he age can be and

I still don't understand what you are saying here.

jack fire wrote:
(his fly time depends on on he speed slow/ normal speed 5 hours but top speed 1 hour tops

That's not even how speed is measured. Speed is the distance he travels in a set amount of time, not just time itself.

jack fire wrote:
And he can healed from an injury over a long period of time  (which mens it can take up to a full month if he i injury bad  but scratch or gases he can sleep it off in one to two hours but he will not heal in a middle of a battle)

I don't really understand why this is an ability. I mean, shouldn't all dragons be able to heal off minor cuts in an hour or two anyways?

--

There's certainly improvements to this app. Just need to fix the few things left above.

Bump when ready.

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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Mon Apr 11, 2016 6:31 am

it is fixs and hop this is that last time i have to fix but we will see
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Re: jack fire

Post by Hyruu on Thu Apr 14, 2016 12:33 am

This is a bit better but some things still need to be addressed.

First of all, you need a rank. If you don't feel like doing anything for your Tribe you can just be a Citizen, but in any case you do need a rank.

As for your flying speed, I'm not even sure what units you're using, but if those are miles per hour your speed is a solid no. The most a dragon can achieve is a bit more than 100 miles per hour, and that's only if you were a Skywing. So please fix this.
Your strength might be a bit over the top too, even though I have quite a bad estimation when it deals with weights. I would appreciate if you relayed this compared to your own body weight.

I'm not sure I perfectly understand your healing factor. 2 days for a cut arm, do you mean just a wound or completely severed? If the later it is way too powerful. Once again it'd be appreciable if you could just relate it to the normal time it would take a normal dragon to heal (is your character healing twice as fast? Thrice as fast?)

Your Phoenix stones, however, are a complete no. This ability is way too powerful and basically makes your dragon immortal.

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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:23 am

i just cut the healing factor becomes i can not find a why to explain it better than what i already did the only reason i did because i was thinking along the lines of the new deadpool movie healing factor but i hope this is the last time for this
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Re: jack fire

Post by Hyruu on Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:47 am

You did correct the two last points I mentioned, but you haven't addressed the first two.

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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Thu Apr 14, 2016 8:08 am


i set me as a Citizen and did math
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Re: jack fire

Post by Hyruu on Fri Apr 15, 2016 12:33 am

I was meaning in the character sheet for the rank. You still haven't filled that part.
Also, as I said two posts earlier dragons can barely reach 100 miles per hour, apart from Skywings. So I'll need you to tone this down. The rest seems fine now though.
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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Fri Apr 15, 2016 7:42 am

done
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Re: jack fire

Post by Hyruu on Fri Apr 15, 2016 8:17 am

Erm it still isn't done, the Rank field is still "?" and your top flying speed it still higher than 170mph...

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Re: jack fire

Post by jack fire on Fri Apr 15, 2016 8:29 am

did not hit send sorry
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Re: jack fire

Post by Hyruu on Fri Apr 15, 2016 10:12 am

Guess it's all good now. Just a last detail though we don't use the dragon tongue from Skyrim.
Approved!

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